Pretty In Bronze

Monday, March 30, 2020

Winter Empties Mini Reviews - Would I Repurchase?
March 30, 20200 Comments
Hello!

I thought I'd do a beauty/lifestyle related post rather than talking about wedding things, even though I have an update post surrounding that, which will likely be up next or in two posts! Today I wanted to share my empties from the past few months. There aren't many as I've rarely been wearing makeup and even more rarely buying new things. I want most of my content to be on this blog and Instagram since during this time I won't have easy access to my camera (self-isolation and all that) and this is much more manageable for me.

My first category is makeup + tools



The Beauty Blender makeup sponge is my favourite sponge that I've used so far. I've tried sponges from Quo, Real Techniques, and a few other affordable ones and they just don't compare to the Beauty Blender in my opinion. The BeautyBlender Pro is my favourite and I've used this one for a bit more than two years (I know, that's crazy!) I clean mine really well and have never had a problem with them growing any mold. Even when I used the pink original ones, I made sure to check and would normally keep one for an entire year and cut it open when throwing it out. Never any mold, but the sponge itself would start to disintegrate and leave little pieces all over my face.

The L'Oreal Bambi mascara was really nice for an everyday mascara when not wearing a full face. It definitely gave a doe eye effect and was really good at separating my lashes. I received that one for free to test out, which was also the case for the Revlon brow pencil. I really like the Revlon pencils and so far it's my favourite from the drugstore. This was the thin pencil one (I'm not a fan of their chubbier one), but I wasn't a fan of the powder portion that  is easy to miss. That's a bit too messy for me. The spooley works, but nothing compares to my ABH eyebrow brush spooley.

Now for the lips!


 I go through lip-balms quite quickly and rarely lose them anymore. Out of these three there's only one that I would re-purchase and that's the Cuter Cuticles lip balm. I have two more of these in different flavours. This was the watermelon flavour, which wasn't my favourite in terms of scent since it's a natural watermelon scent instead of the fake candy scent that I love. The lip balm itself is amazing and I bought it at the 2019 Indie Expo. I'm on the vanilla one now!

The Laneige sleeping mask is nice, but I don't understand all of the hype around it. I personally don't think the price tag is worth it at all, and much prefer my Catrice Shea Butter lip treatment, at a fraction of the price with MUCh nicer packaging. It just works way better. The scent is nice and I might consider purchasing if it was in the $5 range, but it's not so I wouldn't recommend this one.

The Softlips lipbalm is really old, but I decided to finish it up. It's nice and smells really good and at one point was a favourite, but it doesn't compare to my Cuter Cuticles and especially not to my favourite lip balm of all time from Surya Brasil. Natural lip balms work way better for me, which isn't a big shocker.

Face and body moisturizers


These were all samples, which makes it difficult to give a proper review. Out of these three, the Caudalie (which I got as a Sephora Birthday Gift a few years back) is my favourite. It was great for the daytime and I kept it in my bag for days that I forgot to moisturize, or needed extra hydration.

The North American Hemp Co face cream was good for night time, but the sample was too small for me to be able to tell if it actually helped much with lines. As a regular moisturizer it's nice, but I don't love it as much as my The Ordinary Natural Moisturizing Factors (which is super affordable too). I got this one for free in an old Blogger Box that I received for consideration.

The Renewed Hope moisturizer was all right, but nothing special. It was super small so I think I only got a handful of uses out of it, only using it on trips where I brought my travel skincare bag. It was so small that I can't recommend or not recommend it.


I've purchased and have been sent so many moisturizers these past few years, but my favourite has always been Cetaphil. I know there are mixed opinions on the brand. Some people absolutely love and swear by it and I fall into that category as it's great for my sensitive skin, doesn't contain added fragrance and their face care products have helped majorly with my acne issues. Some people hate it because of their parent brand (not cruelty free I'm pretty sure), the higher price tag and it doesn't seem to work the same for them. I love it and will always recommend it, but like with everything else, do your own research!

The North American Hemp Co. body lotion is the same size as the face cream sample I reviewed above. I maybe got two uses out of this so it definitely wasn't enough for me to give a review. It didn't irritate my skin, likely because it doesn't have added fragrance. I can't tell you much else so I'll end it on that note.


Face and body wash!



I think I've reviewed this on this blog (and if not, I have a review on my Instagram page), but this is a huge favourite for both myself and especially my Fiancé Steven. I love this for when my skin is extra greasy, sometimes after a bigger workout or on a heavy makeup day (which are rare). It's a bit too drying for every day use, but Steven loves it because he believes drying your skin out is better for acne, despite my years of begging him to moisturize (he absolutely refuses).  This smells nice, foams up a lot (so a little goes a long way) and I repurchased one to put in Steven's stocking before this one ran out. We're staying at his parent's house as during this self-isolation period since I've been working from home (a week or two before it even started) and Steven ended up taking vacation days before finally being given a laptop to work from home as well. We live in a condo building, so it isn't as safe considering we have to leave to walk the dogs a few times a day, and this is the only face wash we brought since it's less bulky. I've been putting on more moisturizer to combat it, but it's been nice because my skin has been a huge break-out filled mess from all the stress of re-scheduling our wedding and being on my period, etc. This is also affordable so we highly recommend it!


I got this body wash for free either from Influenster or from Topbox a long time ago. I used to be bad about using body wash and would just use whatever bar soap was nearby, but this winter I was good about it and finally went through this big boy. Steven uses his own body washes so this large one took me a while to go through myself. I LOVE how this one smells and it's not only fairly affordable but it's very natural, cruelty free and vegan! If we hadn't bought a costco-sized package of a different body wash months ago (on sale) I would've likely purchased a new one of this, or one of their other scents. It'll probably be another year or so before I go through all of the bodywash I currently own, but when I do I'll be sure to look out for this. I highly highly recommend it and I'm curious about their other products!


Haircare


One of the products I've most been sent to review has been Shampoos and Conditioners. This is great for me because I don't use regular drug-store shampoos on my hair since it's been very damaged in the past, and it's naturally curly. I also only wash my hair once a week to keep it as healthy as possible, so I need a good shampoo to do its job. I was originally sent a set of Saryna Key haircare products a few years back, but I loved them so much that I repurchased the Shampoo, which I'm already halfway through as I've exclusively used it for the rest of the winter since finishing this one up. This is hands down my all-time favourite shampoo and likely the one I'll use on my wedding day because I know it'll make my hair look and feel its best. There are many others I love, and my hair is the type where it needs to switch products every once in a while so for self-isolation I brought a different set to give my hair a break from this one, but once the wedding is near I'll definitely switch back to this one a week or two before so my hair is ready to look its best! This is very natural and is great for damaged hair and even though it's not drug-store priced, it's 100% worth it. I highly recommend and will continue to repurchase!

Deodorant/Anti-Perspirant


Ok this is a bit of a weird category, but recently I've seen a lot of people talking about these types of products again. The Secret gel antiperspirants are my favourites for how it feels and smells. They don't make the underarms of my clothes go all weird and they feel fresh (with many different available scents. Whenever they're on sale I'll buy them because I'm a super sweaty girl.

The Degree motion sense aerosol antiperspirant was really good, but I almost choked every time I sprayed it. It worked really really well, but I know aerosols are bad for the environment, and getting it in my lungs at a time like this isn't the best idea so I likely won't repurchase. I hope they can make a stick or gel version of this that works the same way because I'd definitely purchase it myself for workout days. I'm currently using a completely different brand I've never tried before so we'll see how that one goes.

I'm excessively sweaty so I NEED an antiperspirant to keep my clothes from not being completely drenched, so simply using a natural-deodorant isn't an option for me unfortunately. However, do your research into it. Some people say they're deadly and others say they're completely safe. Look into actual scientific data so you can make the best decision for you!


That's all for this empties review / would I (re)purchase. I hope you enjoyed and will stick around to see my future posts!

See you soon!

Thursday, March 05, 2020

How to Keep Track of Expenses and Budget for Your Wedding
March 05, 20200 Comments

Hello!

I have a very different type of post for today. This is purely related to wedding planning and budgeting, so if that's not your thing, that's ok! Keep an eye out for future beauty and lifestyle related posts coming soon!

One of the most stressful parts of a wedding is how expensive they can be. Even the best budgeters will have trouble not going over in any categories and unexpected expenses seem to pop up every now and then.

The Government of Canada actually has a very useful spreadsheet available on their website, free of charge. I modified the spreadsheet a lot to cater it towards my wedding. Here's a screenshot with some of the totals blocked out for privacy reasons.


If you open up the original, you'll see that I've made quite a few changes based on categories we do and don't have. We mainly moved rows around to different categories (For example, decor is all one category). We also eliminated many selections and added a few that pertain directly to our wedding. The numbers include tax and shipping costs as well.

If you look close, some of the boxes under the 'Actual Expenditure' section have a small black triangle on the upper right. These are notes that I inserted to break down the expenses that led up to the total cost. And example of this is the 'Makeup' row. In the notes I included the total price, including the gift cards I used to purchase makeup. The main number is what came from out of pocket. The 'Suit/Accessories' section was edited for you not to see the total numbers, but I broke things down by total cost of each item. The suit, shoes, bowtie, socks, etc. were all added up.

Steven and I are actually considering starting a YouTube channel together that focuses on finance and budgeting since it's something we take very seriously compared to most people our age. Because of that we're obsessed with spreadsheets. Once the wedding is over and we have the final costs, we'd be open to walking through each category with full transparency on how much each item costed us. We'd also like to share our gift/money tracker, which is the next image in this post.


A gift tracker is always a good idea to make life easier when writing your thank you cards. In my opinion, it's a bit impersonal to order a bunch of cards that say the same thing. Our plan is to order cute cards with some pre-determined text, but write out a personal thank you to the guest, and include mention of their gift so they know we're putting effort in.

We have a small registry for those who don't feel comfortable giving cash, but we know a majority will give money so we've made an estimate of what we'll receive from each guest or family unit based on what point of life they're at. By this we mean that we wouldn't expect a teenager or student to give as much as an older family who is in a good financial situation. We also added a notes section in as there are a few guests that we specifically told not to worry about getting us anything at all.

 We under-estimated for the most part (and I blocked out the total guess vs the actual amount so far) so it'll be interesting to see how much we do get! Some family members have already committed to giving a certain amount, or providing help (for example, making a wedding cake and a bunch of sweets for the night), so we count that as a gift and still added it. So far a large portion of the venue and food costs have been provided by my Aunt, so I tweaked the total 'planned" and 'actual' amounts to subtract that number, since that isn't money we're physically receiving after the big day.

Spreadsheets are an amazing way to keep track of expenses. While Steven and I both know how to create formulas on excel/sheets, it was much easier to use a free spreadsheet and tweak it to what we want. Even if you're not Canadian, you can use the free spreadsheet provided by the Government of Canada and erase the flag and notes in the first row in case it would make you feel weird!

That's it for this post! I hope this helps anyone who is currently planning a wedding or at least gave you some ideas on how to get started. Please let me know if you would be interested in an update surrounding the budget once the wedding is over, and especially if you might be interested in a channel that focuses on budgeting. We thought it'd be cool because we're both in our early twenties (well, I'm basically mid) and have very ambitious goals that we've worked hard towards since we were still teenagers due to living in a very expensive part of Ontario (Yes, Im talking about Toronto and the GTA housing prices).

I hope to see you soon!

Thursday, February 20, 2020

Shea Noir Natural Ivory Shea Butter Review
February 20, 20200 Comments
Hello!

Several weeks ago I received a package from Shea Noir, a family owned local brand (a mother and her sons) that sells completely natural shea butter. I love being able to promote local brands because they're normally very good, but are underestimated because we're used to buying products from out of country here in Canada. I often find that the products are more natural and work way better and it's great being able to support local businesses, especially as a woman who is also an immigrant here in Canada!

I've never tried pure shea butter before this product and have always heard positive things since there are so many benefits to using it, so when Shea Noir reached out to me on Instagram, I was interested in giving it a go!


The package was very well protected and is much larger than I imagined. Because it's natural, the shea butter is kind of like a soft brick that crumbles, but if you warm it up with your hands it melts. Some of the claims on the packaging and on the brand's Instagram and Facebook page include that the product can help with acne and blemishes (mainly for lowering redness), reduce the look of wrinkles and other signs of aging as well as reduce itchy/peeling skin. I'm not surprised since shea butter is very moisturizing, so it makes perfect sense to me that those would all be true. This particular brand of shea butter is also very natural so it is chemical, preservative, paraben, phthalate and sulfate free, which makes it even better for sensitive skin! The brand is also cruelty free, so that's always nice.

The picture below shows what the shea butter looks like when I rip a small chunk off before I melt it with my hands.


This can be used in SO many different ways. At first I was just using it all over my face. The day after I received this, we were working on cars all day out in the cold, which meant it was also very dry. Because of this, I wasn't going to spend time making myself look pretty, so I decided to slather it all over my face to see if it would keep my skin nourished. It did! I feel like it also helped calm my acne down a bit since it didn't get irritated from the dryness. I don't know that it really made it go away faster, but it definitely didn't allow it to become aggravated.

I also sometimes put a bunch in my hair 30–60 minutes before washing it. I only put it on my ends since I only wash my hair once a week so the roots don't really need help. This definitely made my ends feel less dead and I'm interested in using this in conjunction with a few other hair products to make a DIY treatment to wear in my hair prior to washing it.

I can see myself using this a lot so I was very pleased when I saw that the price is only $15.99 CAD! There's A LOT of product so you're definitely getting your money's worth. This is something I definitely see myself purchasing in the future, particularly for when I get pregnant so I can keep my bump super moisturized to attempt preventing stretch marks and the uncomfortable itchy feeling that comes along with the stretching.

Go check out the Shea Noir website as they have so much more information there, and even fun recipes you can make with your shea butter!

See you soon!


Friday, February 07, 2020

Saalt Soft Cup Review
February 07, 20200 Comments
Hello,

This is a bit different for me in terms of reviews, but one of my 2020 internet goals is to transition this blog to include more lifestyle posts, rather than focusing on makeup and skincare since I haven't been purchasing as much as I used to. Lifestyle makes more sense for me because it's... my life. I really appreciate when the influencers I watch talk about real life, so when Samantha Ravndahl and Raw Beauty Kristi reviewed period cups, I was very intrigued after hearing about them for years. Both specifically raved about the Saalt Soft Menstrual Cup.



It seemed like the Saalt Soft cup was the most comfortable period cup and had the highest reviews, so I finally caved and ordered it. I hate pads and tampons for many reasons. First and foremost, they make it a lot easier for me to get a UTI because I'm SUPER prone to them and every UTI I've ever gotten that wasn't condom related has conveniently been right after finishing my period. Pads are super annoying for that reason and because I have to wear bulkier underwear to feel comfortable in them. Tampons are just very uncomfortable for me. I don't have a heavy flow, so they're really annoying to put in and take out. I'm talking the full eight hours of wear and then it's still dry and let me tell you... taking out a dry tampon is NOT a nice feeling. They're also not good for your body in general and on top of that, disposable period products are very expensive! Only a few years ago we still had to pay tax on them in Canada. Another thing that finally pushed me towards buying a period cup is how wasteful pads and tampons can be.

I've always been a reuse type of person (I save all the gift bags and wrapping I can for when I'm giving presents to others). I never really thought about the environment and how bad period products were for it until people started mentioning it online. I have had a period since I was only eleven years old. I'm 24 now. That's 169 periods so far. My period is normally the full seven days, so at minimum I've used 1183 pads and tampons. Realistically, I've used about 1300 since it's not only one a day when it comes to tampons. That's a lot of waste for one person who is still pretty young. Period cups are reusable and the Saalt one says it can be used for up to ten years with proper care, so that's a lot less waste and for me the amount of money I spend on period products in one to two years (about $50 because I have a light flow) can potentially cover ten years with one period cup.


Saalt Soft Menstrual Cup Claims & Features

- Reusable up to ten years if you take good care of it and store it properly
- Comes with a pretty storage bag
- You only need to change it twice a day
- The soft version is more flexible
- No toxins, hypoallergenic and it's chemical free unlike many period products out there
- It's made with medical-grade silicone
- Made in the USA
- Vegan!
- They donate money from every purchase to HER International.

The cup comes with a lot of instructions (and their website is super helpful as well) to make it easy to understand how to use the cup and how to take care of it. They have a lot of information on their website so I recommend doing some research into the sizing because everyone's vagina is unique, but I personally went for the small size because according to their size guide it would work best. I'm under thirty years old and I've never given birth. The small size fits three tampons worth of blood while the regular fits four. Given the fact that when I did wear tampons I went for the tiny ones due to comfort and such a light flow, I knew the small would be the best fit for me. Their cervix positioning explanation made me feel even more confident because I have a tilted cervix, and they include that in their information.

I know there are now a ton of video reviews of the cup, but I wanted to to a day-by-day review of using this cup for the first time. Perhaps in a few months I'll do a video to update you on it, but the following is my first week using the Saalt cup!


Day 1: Light flow (Medium for me)

I did the C fold method when I woke up and it was almost too easy to the point where I was convinced I must have inserted the cup wrong. I followed the instructions to check that it had suctioned properly by using my finger to check and it was definitely secure! I didn't push it in deep enough so I did feel it a little bit when walking. but when I went to the washroom at work, I pushed it slightly and then I couldn't feel it at all anymore. I did wear a panty liner just to be safe.

Going to the washroom (both #1 and #2) didn't make the cup fall out at all. I was definitely aware of it, but didn't feel like it was coming out or losing suction at all. I was also happy that there was no leakage so I knew I'd be safe without a panty liner.

When I got home I emptied the cup and was surprised at how little blood there actually was in comparison to what a pad or tampon looked like. I was a little scared at first when going to take it out because the cup sucked in further, but I used my muscles to push it out (very easy) and pinched the cup to make it lose suction before easily pulling it out. It wasn't messy on the outside so it was easy to spill out and go to the sink. I washed the cup out and made sure the little air holes were clear and cleaned the area to make sure no blood would get out and put the cup back in using the other folding method, the punch-down fold.

I then went to the gym, couldn't feel it at all when working out (mainly cardio, but also squats) so I was pretty stoked. I kept it in for my shower since I had cleaned the area beforehand and changed the cup right before going to bed.

Overnight was perfect as well. I couldn't feel it and slept comfortably and confidently that there wouldn't be any leaks and there weren't the next morning!

Day 2: Medium Flow (Heavy for me)

DISASTER. The cup went in fine to my knowledge, but when I went to the washroom much later in the day (six hours in) my underwear was completely stained with blood. I don't know what I did wrong, but I suspect I forgot to twist the cup to create a strong suction. I did the finger trick to make sure the cup wasn't still folded anywhere, but I guess that isn't enough. I'm annoyed that this happened on the second day after the first day was so perfect, but I guess I was too confident.

I showered as soon as I got home with the cup out, cleared all of the blood out and put the cup in again, making sure I twisted it after checking that it wasn't folded. This time I put a pantyliner back in my underwear just to be safe. I think I'll keep doing that until I can go at least two days without any leaks. I'm not concerned because there was no leaking at all on day one, so I know it's not the cups fault, but just user error.

Day 3: Medium Flow

I ended up putting the cup in correctly the night before so I woke up without any leaks, walked the dog  and then worked out all before 6 in the morning. I took it out to shower, washed it out and put it back in and to be safe I put a panty-liner in my underwear. Before leaving for work I needed to use the washroom and it turns out I didn't put it in far enough. I had no leaking, but it did pop out a little bit so I had to put it back in and do the twist method to try and re-secure it. After several hours and a few washroom visits, I wasn't leaking. After getting home and taking the dogs on a walk, I emptied the cup and all was good. There was a bit of blood on the outside rim, but I think that got there while removing the cup. It was pretty difficult for me to get it to suction properly when putting it back in, despite trying to get all of the air out though. It's very strange that some times it's really easy and sometimes I struggle, but I'm just happy I didn't have any leaks today and I have hope that I'll get to the point where I always get it right and no longer have to use liners.

Day 4: Light Flow

No leaks in the morning! As long as you get the suction right at the start, leaks won't happen. I have realized that I've been waking up with more urgency to pee, so I think the cup is making my bladder a bit more sensitive. Several hours later and we were at the mall where I was trying on pants. I had one tiny dot of blood in my pantyliner so that wasn't from leaking, but likely blood that was leftover on the sides.

Days 5–7: Basically non-existent

Some months I have a very light flow on the last few days on my periods, and others, like this month, I basically have nothing except for discharge. I never know if I'll randomly have blood again after a day of nothing, so I wore the cup for the last three days regardless. I had no issues at all with it and figured out a schedule that worked well for me to only change the cup once every 12 hours. It collected the discharge without a problem and continued to be easy to wash out so I was really pleased! At the end, I washed the cup out well and left it to air dry in my ventilated bathroom before putting it back in the cloth pouch that came with the Saalt cup, having it ready for my next period.


Final Thoughts

I'm very impressed with this! I definitely recommend trying to make the switch to a cup for all the reasons at the beginning of this blog post and more.

I thought for sure I'd have more than one day of leaking on my first ever week of using a period cup, but I'm pleasantly surprised that I adjusted quickly. The FAQ section of the Saalt website and video instructions makes it really easy to learn. I felt a million times more comfortable using the cup than I do when I've used tampons in the past. It's also way more comfortable than wearing a pad and I didn't at any point feel like I'd be getting a UTI, which is even nicer. Working out is much easier with the cup and I can wear nicer underwear that doesn't give me intense panty lines, which just helps me dress and feel a bit better during my period.

The only downsides I felt was that I definitely had to pee more often with the cup in, and I felt slightly more cramping than usual. I know most people haven't experienced the cramping with the cup, but I'm just sensitive in general so I wanted to mention it. For reference, tampons made me cramp pretty badly on the rare occasions that I would wear one, and pads would just give me a weird dull throbbing down there that wasn't pleasant at all and thankfully the cup doesn't do that to me.

I hope this review was helpful to anyone considering trying a period cup! I'll see you soon with some beauty/bodycare content!



Sunday, February 02, 2020

We Got A Puppy - My Experience With the Puppy Blues and Anxiety
February 02, 20200 Comments
Hello!

This is just a regular life post I've been wanting to make ever since getting Sophie, the newest edition to our little family. I feel like this can be helpful for people who are looking into getting a puppy, as well as those that are struggling with a puppy, or have the puppy blues. I have a video at the end of when I got Sophie, but this post is mainly to focus on my pre-existing anxiety, puppy blues and how I'm doing much better and hope you will too! I also included the puppy vlog at the end of this blog post that we filmed before and when we first got Sophie!




History

Here's a bit of backstory: I LOVE dogs with my whole entire heart. I have Chewy, my 11-year-old Griffonshire Terrier (half Yorkshire Terrier and Brussels Griffon), who I adopted when he was almost a year old. He was (and still can be) a problematic dog because he came from an abusive situation. Over the years he's become so much better and can get along with a lot of people and dogs, but he still barks his head off. He also wasn't exposed to many people, so he hates anyone that looks different (I'm talking different skin tones, accents, hats, hair, etc.), but thankfully it's minor in comparison to when I first got him. I thought Chewy was difficult to deal with because he was already an adult. Sure, he only had a few accidents inside and occasionally would revenge pee (I'm serious), but he was also twelve pounds so it wasn't too bad to deal with.

Chewy, 11 years old.

Skip forward ten years. I've dreamt for over a decade of getting a puppy. I know it's selfish since there are so many dogs out there like Chewy, who need a second chance, but I always wanted to have at least one puppy that I could fully bond with from start to end. Specifically, I wanted a Chocolate Newfoundland puppy.

Years ago when Steven (my soon-to-be husband) and I first started dating, his neighbour adopted a chocolate Newfie. I'd never heard of the breed before, but instantly fell in love with her personality. I immediately started researching the breed and knew that it was the dog for us. They're amazing family dogs and are great with children, which is very important to us because we want to have babies in a few years and don't want to worry about having a dog breed that isn't good with them. Newfies are also a giant breed, meaning they get to the weight of a human, and sometimes more. Chocolate Newfoundlands are on the small end of the scale in comparison to Landseer, Silver and Black Newfoundlands. These dogs are fairly low to moderate energy when fully grown, which was great for me because I'm not a fan of exercise and the maximum of forty minutes a day that is recommended by professionals sounded great as well. The final deciding factor was the fact that Newfies aren't bad as apartment dogs. For the first several months of their life, Newfoundlands aren't supposed to use stairs, which makes living in a condo much easier.

In late 2018, we finally started our search. We discovered that Chocolate Newfoundland puppies are very difficult to come across in Canada, and when you do, they're normally over $3500 and have to be flown into Ontario. While we can certainly afford a dog, that's a lot of money that we weren't willing to spend solely on the purchase price. A lot of events led us to finding a Canadian breeder (I can tell the story on YouTube at some point) and we were set to get a puppy right before Christmas of 2019! Sophie—the name of the mother dog—didn't end up having puppies. We're still not 100% sure if she had a miscarriage or if she simply never got pregnant, but we're leaning towards miscarriage since the breeder told us she was 90% certain two weeks before the expected due date. We were heartbroken, but I refused waiting another six months to potentially still not have another puppy right around the wedding time in 2020. I started broadening my search and decided to look at American breeders. That's when I found the breeder we went with.

Getting our puppy!

We were finally going to have a puppy and were set to pick her up on November 30th, 2019 from Pennsylvania. In honour of the puppy we didn't get a chance to have, we decided to name our puppy Sophie. We bought the giant Costco bed, ordered a crate over a month in advance and everything we would need for Sophie and counted down the days. I was super excited and couldn't stop talking about it. My dreams of having a puppy were finally coming true and I didn't feel any anxiety over it. I was excited the entire six-hour road trip down, when I met the puppy, and crossing the border back into Canada. When we were about twenty minutes away from Steven's parents' house the feeling of dread set in.

Sophie at 5 weeks old.

I came to learn that this feeling of dread wasn't going to go away after one night. Things were difficult, but I figured I'd get used to it after a few days. I never really considered how often puppies need to relieve themselves. With Chewy, he was fully grown so I never had to wake up at night to bring him outside or worry about leaving him alone for a few hours. My anxiety gets worse if I don't get a good night of sleep, so that started building. Sophie was (and still is) teething and would try to eat the floor, walls, doors, hands, blankets and pretty much anything she could get her mouth on. I had to be hyper aware at all times and it was exhausting me.

I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and it got really bad to the point of a few panic attacks and what felt like complete mental breakdowns. I had almost two weeks of working from home alone with Sophie while Steven was working, and it drove me crazy. I felt like I hated Sophie and regretted getting a puppy. I couldn't remember why I even liked dogs in the first place. I became afraid of having children in the future. Not only was I struggling with the regular puppy problems, but our crate never arrived (that's a whole other story) so I couldn't even go to the washroom without having Sophie with me. It was awful. I lost seven pounds in the span of one week from not having time to eat because Sophie never seemed to sleep long enough.

A few days before I was completely off of work for the next three weeks, I got sick. I hadn't been taking my vitamins, eating properly or taking showers. I got a really bad UTI the night before my holiday company party (I still went). After a few really bad days of non-stop crying I knew something had to be done. I can do a post on my personal mental health if anyone is interested, but in this one I'll stick to the puppy related stuff.

Sophie, 9 weeks old
When the holidays were finally over and we were back at the Condo, Sophie had trouble adjusting for a few days. A crate had finally arrived (over a month late) so we at least had that. We were very lucky that she was able to sleep through the night and not have an accident when we first woke her up to bring her outside in the morning. She would excited pee when Steven came home at lunch to let her out and when I got home from work, but that stopped after a few days. By the next week, there were no more excited urination accidents at lunch or after work. Sophie stopped having frequent accidents in general. In mid-January, we started leaving Sophie unattended when we were at home with her without many accidents. Puppy school was/is amazing (she was doing well above the level and she was the youngest in the class by over a month). Now, we still have the odd accident if we take too long or let her have too much water, but I'm finally at the point where I love Sophie and wouldn't go back in time to not get her. My puppy blues are finally gone, and only my anxiety remains, but that's permanent for me anyway.

I'm an author, so I'm not the best at writing short posts. To sum it up: Yes, the puppy blues is a real thing and it's terrible. It'll make you resent your puppy and hate your life. What I'm telling you is that they will go away, so don't give up on your puppy after only a month. It took me nearly two months to finally love my dog and look forward to seeing her when I'm away. While she's not perfect yet, Sophie's actually a really impressive four-month-old puppy according to everyone who meets her. She knows a lot of tricks, comes to comfort me when I'm crying (very frequent) and is going to make an amazing service dog for me when she's fully grown. She still tries to chew on my hand and my pants when I run by (she's killed one of my Roots sweat pants and put a small hole in another pair, and put a few holes in one of my favourite winter hats), but that's normal behaviour for a puppy that will go away as long as you train them. It'll always be two or three steps forward and one step back until they're grown up, but you will start feeling a bond with your puppy and it feels amazing when they finally become more independent.

Sophie's first visit to my office. 16 weeks/4 months old.

Thanks for reading this super long blog post about my struggles as a puppy owner. If you want to follow Sophie, here's an Instagram photo of hers.



You can also follow Chewy on Instagram!



Here's the puppy vlog we filmed when we first got Sophie!


And here's Sophie's First year video!




See you soon!

@beautybyamysousa